"I’m a 28 year old non-binary femme and an immigrant from Ghana. I’m queer, she & they pronouns, and I’m in an ethically non-monogamous marriage with a mixed Lebanese queer boi that I care deeply about. I’m a communist. I’m in grad school. I have a black cat. I love dim sum. I’m a professional Dominatrix.
"Every aspect of who I am makes me feel sexy. This is exciting and scary to admit because I have only learned to love myself in the past few years. My dark skin, my afro, my big lips and my African heritage have been a source of shame for most of my life. I grew up in the projects of London (mostly African immigrant families) then, when I was 12, moved to a predominately white suburb in North Carolina. I learned quickly that being called an ape by classmates was going to be the norm. I resorted to bleaching my skin. I developed an eating disorder. I used harsh chemicals to straighten my hair. I cannot express how hard it has been to love myself as a Black femme under white supremacy.
"I used to feel sexy having sex only with cis white men. Sex became a performance where I worked like a minstrel to receive affirmation and validation. Hearing things like wow I’ve never fucked an African before or you’re hot for a dark girl from the Chads and Kents was better than that time in six grade when a Becky said my mom was a gorilla, though I realize now that they both stem from the same oppressive constructions of Black value. The best part, though, was how well I faked orgasms. It was an art, especially when I would add the quiver of my feet. They all believed that their unskilled, sweaty thrusts resulted in simultaneous pleasure, or pleasure for me at all. This is what I thought sex was: an “intimate” activity with the stranger from the bar that always ended after he came and never involved me in any capacity outside of the fact that I was something to be fucked.
"I realize all of this is somber as fuck, but I cannot conceptualize my current sexiness without acknowledging the transformation and growth I had to trudge through. It is because of these traumas that I love myself as a queer African femme and pro Domme in a poly relationship. Sex is still complicated for me, but I’m fucking back in ways that feel good on multiple levels. It feels sexy to tell my partners how to use a vibrator on me. It feels sexy to embrace my queerness and share my body with others that are also learning to love themselves under the cis hetero white supremacy. Of course, it also feels super fucking sexy to own and collect bourgeois men, but mainly I’m just happy to be living my best life as a ho despite capitalism.
"Bodies and gender and being African is weird most days, but I love myself in spite of it all and that is sexy as fuck to me."