"I’m a little girl with the hopeless romantic ragings of a burning intellectual and the dirty hands of a woman who has lived well. I’m a business owner, introvert, writer, empath, faith-filled theologist, hobbyist, and at the mercy of farm-raised work ethic. I still blush when receiving a compliment and have over 20 years sensationalizing the likes of Little House on the Prairie. I identify most closely with monogamy. Romantically, I tend to seek strong men with pouring hearts and there isn’t really room for much else in my sights. I’m one of those gals primarily turned on by bright minds and emotional blunders, sincerity is my achilles heel. Sweet things whispered into my ear and eye contact across the room, are all things that start to make me weak in the knees, but people who live with intention do me in. I was always taught that if you see something that needs to be done, you’re the person to do it and there is nothing I find sexier than the moment someone rises to that occasion. I don’t want that to sound ambiguous, so let me clarify- If someone needs food on the street and you give it, if you’re gifted a passion and you share it, if someone confesses a misstep to you and you embrace it, if I need lovin’ and you carry me home to do that, those things are the sexiest to me. I absolutely attach sexiness to respect, integrity, and humble actions. Willful vulnerability and servitude are cliffs where I prefer to sit with someone, but I’m also content to sit alone.
"On the other side of that, feeling needed makes me feel sexy- Sometimes what is needed is mama bird care, sometimes it’s sitting on that cliff in supportive silence, going on a full day adventure, or digging claws into their body so they know you still want it. I enjoy taking on a selfless role for a partner and being able to do so leaves me feeling more desirable to them. Feeling sexy for myself? Well, hell, that just takes some sunshine, a soft cotton dress and garters, because texture fetishes are entirely self-indulgent things. You could probably also add sipping whisky by a fire I built.
"I’ve never been insecure about my body or my sexuality, lucky me right? I have held onto my sanity by a thread though. This body has survived a lot when it comes down to it, explicitly: physical abuse, narcissistic abuse, the loss of a child, harassment, date rape, “friend” rape, and a beautiful dose of gaslighting. Not just survival, but thriving, has been synonymous with self-love for me. I teach, dance, write, read, sing, play instruments, model, hike, camp, cook, and maintain a very active physical, emotional, and intellectual lifestyle to press forward; this project is a part of that ever-initiative. Almost a decade ago, I began performing with a wildly supportive Bellydance troupe. I’d been a Ballerina and Lindyhopper for the bulk of my life and I wrestled a lot with the implications of a ‘sexier’ dance, but it bridled everything I knew about the strength of my body and attached it to the softness of my heart. A few years later, I was working 16 hour days and didn’t know who I was; I booked my first modeling shoot. I took control of the stylizing of every shoot for 4 years to follow and in the process gained my body back when it felt absent. I used a majority of the final photos to bring out more vulnerable demons in my writing. When these things weren’t enough, I exhausted myself on the dance floor for a fever of nights. Not quite a year ago, I co-started an extremely talented solo jazz dance troupe of 10 strong women and I think this was the scariest movement of self-love to date- to believe that I could encourage and lead women in a positive way, to give what I’d learned back. Every day their hearts demonstrate to me what is beautiful, sexy, and intoxicating about the world.
"If it hasn’t become apparent, I am passionately in love with the human condition and plucking my fingers in the mess. So in an effort to concisely identify what winds me up and holds me tight in gritty fornication with life: “..the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”- Jack Kerouac"
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