As a trans woman, most of my life has been attempting to conform to others and societies perceptions of me in order to avoid violence in the forms of bullying, physical, emotional and social, but was never really ever able to escape the last two. I knew I was a girl when I was 4, and very excited to tell my mom knowing she’d always wanted a daughter, but a voice in the back of my head told me it wasn’t safe. Then around the age of 9 I experienced emotional abuse that traumatized me to the point of hiding myself from myself so well for so long, that I had the whole world playing along. At 24 push came to shove and I trusted the universe as I began to live my truth destroying and rewriting every narrative I and society had ever told about me.
Years later, I’m finally to a point where I’ve healed that and other trauma and abuse, beginning to see, feel, and embrace the full spectrum of my womanhood. I’d catch glances in downtown windows of myself enamored by the beauty I saw before realizing it was me. Until recently, that’s as close as I got to feeling sexy. I am now exploring what it means for me to be sexy in my body for myself after not being able to feel that my whole life and if I can make a buck or two to help me even more on that journey, then why not?
I’ve had dear friends and sweeties who are sex workers and been important on my healing journey giving me so much self confidence when I needed it the most, and now I’m ready to be and feel sexy. I am only getting into sex work but have learned that it can be very healing and empowering for my psyche if I make sure to keep up with my self care. As a pansexual lesbian, it has made it difficult to start this work until I’d healed enough of my pain and garnered strong mediation and yogic practices. My path in life has always been one of a warrior cleric and am ready to be “straight for pay” so I can get my VIP (Vagina Installation Please!) soon one day.